Risky business.

I don't want your identity. Your labels, and religions, and words... meaningless words that carry no substance, bound to this ego when all I want is to be free from it. Free from these petty human fears, free from the glacial gaze of breathing zombies with hollow hearts; always scheming; hurting all that's good in the world-love-less.

How is it possible that I can feel so foreign in my own skin? So alien...

A part of me wants to connect with the human race while the other half wants

to disperse all together. Dissolve into an ocean of bliss and placidity. A world of imagination...

But I am, yet still, shackled by my skin and bones so what choice do I have but to materialize.

To manifest a manifesto to the man with the black suit. This journey will continue with or

without my impulse. This world requires no breath on my behalf-just a simple contribution called

my soul, my tenacity, determined in obliterating my innocence... Indifferent to any type of depth or

morality. And all of this, all this deformity is absolutely acceptable and right. This is the type of bullshit

that I have to feed off of- what has turned my soul into a prisoner in my own body.

I won't allow this to happen anymore...

There has to be a way around.

I must express myself and find others who feel the same.

Disillusionment has not won this battle over me.

I will be happy no matter what the cost, even if it means risking it all!

My Mantra

RISK

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To express feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas or dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.

You may avoid suffering and sorrow if you don't risk, but you simply cannot

learn, feel, change, grow, love or live.

Only a person who risks is free.

Ode To Anactoria

Peer of Gods to me is the man thy presence

Crowns with joy; who hears as he sits beside thee,

Accents sweet of thy lips the silence breaking,

With lovely laughter;

Tones that make the heart in my bosom flutter,

For if I, the space of a moment even,

near to thee come, any word I would utter

Instantly fails me;

Vain my stricken tongue would a whisper fashion,

Subtly under my skin runs fire ecstatic;

Straightway mists surge dim to my eyes and leave them

Reft of their vision;

Echoes ring in my ears a trembling seizes

All my body bathed in soft perspiration;

Pale as grass I grow in my passion's madness,

Like one insensate;

But must I dare all, since to me unworthy,

Bliss thy beauty brings that a God might envy;

Never yet was fervid woman a fairer

Image of Kypris.

Ah! undying Daughter of God, befriend me!

Calm my blood that thrills with impending transport;

Feed my lips the murmur of words to stir her

Bosom to pity;

Overcome with kisses her faintest protest,

Melt her mood to mine with amorous couches,-

Till her low assent and her sigh's abandon

Lure me to rapture.

-Sappho

Remember the violet tiaras...

"I have not had one word from her

Frankly I wish I were dead
When she left, she wept
a great deal; she said to me, "This parting must be
endured, Sappho. I go unwillingly."

I said, "Go, and be happy
but remember (you know
well) whom you leave shackled by love

"If you forget me, think
of our gifts to Aphrodite
and all the loveliness that we shared

"all the violet tiaras,
braided rosebuds, dill and
crocus twined around your young neck

"myrrh poured on your head
and on soft mats girls with
all that they most wished for beside them

"while no voices chanted
choruses without ours,
no woodlot bloomed in spring without song..."
— Sappho

Antonym Of You (my 1st song ever)

Sex, come an terrorize this town;

Forsaken; broken and left behind

Come now, and bring me the Clowns;

Make your bed on this empty highway;

Sleep past dawn, lead me on...

chop me up till friday;

Flaming heat-come disturb my sleep;

Taunt me, Feed me, make me weep.

Watch how the old beggar pleads;

Coiling herself around your sex-

2 hearts broken by their deed.

Come now quick-get into bed;

F**k me till I cry no more-

Get inside my head.

Chorus:

Jack & coke won't do a thing,

Let's burn like a cigarette-

slowly try to figure it-

never got the jist of it-hmm love

F**k me with your little lies,

Do it till' I feel alright-

Let the fire burn a whole tonight-hmm love

Swiftly turning;

my head spinning;

losing control;

is fulfilling-

Don't mind strangers-

I like danger-

Be a killer-Let's start killing-

What's the meaning?

that's so demeaning?

Must be dreaming-

but now I'm screaming

Slowly running with your splinter-

immersed in sheets as cold as winter.

Damage control-yeah this ship is sinking...

Paralyzed by your acquiting...

Chorus:

Jack & coke won't do a thing,

Let's burn like a cigarette-

slowly try to figure it-

never got the jist of it-hmm love

F**k me with your little lies,

Do it till' I feel alright-

Let the fire burn a whole tonight-hmm love

Let the fire burn a whole tonight... love.

A Love note to an Untouchable Face

Brilliant, ravishing, complex splendor of my eyes... I held your fragility, your thorny pedestal whilst my hands bled. I deposited myself in your embrace, utterly naked in body and soul-mindlessly permitting myself to burn with every kiss, with every promise, with every solicitous measure... Adoring you amidst all the glory, fighting with you in all our torment, teaching myself with every blow and loving you above it all... If loving you was reminiscent of violent delights then it's no surprise that it's conclusion is just as ardent, just as traumatic, just as consuming. This rose has reached it's demise... this home that once was full of buoyancy is now an open wound that only time can heal, such a big responsibility for someone I once gave a star to. Someone I gave my heart to. I would have done anything for you, my love. I hope that one day you will remember our love and all it's sensitivity, in all it's beautiful poetic essence-for what it was and what always will be in the corners of our sub-concious... lingering like good wine that gets better with time... and maybe one day will carry a hint of ambrosia, a bit of resentment or regret for what could have been... an education to say the least... a dash of hope but most of all the richness of wisdom for which we could've only attained through such a union, through such passion. I will always love you, rest assured my elusive poet... my intangible fish. Remember that life is not what you think, life is a beautiful disarray of absolutely nothing... so learn to read between the lines and you will see things for what they really were and not what you wanted or expected them to be.... Remember me. Remember us.

The beauty of Effervescence

I was at a social gathering tonight, an x amount of photographers teeming and exchanging at a local lounge in the neighborhood. I was just standing there with my camera, engrossing myself in this human expressway of expressions, mannerisms, and idioms, of verbs and nouns and what not. I couldn't help but think to myself how beautiful it is to engulf myself in the experience of all the who what when where and why's of conversation. My pupils dilating like the lens of a camera and snapping away at the images it chooses to send to my cerebrum. It really is such an enlivening experience to be in social gatherings because it forces you out of your comfort zone and into the spotlight. The reason why we gain so much from this experience is, in fact, an intrinsic part of our evolution and survival. The german sociologist Karl Marx states that 'human beings are intrinsically, necessarily and by definition social beings who, beyond being "gregarious creatures", cannot survive and meet their needs other than trough social co-operation and association.'

Erotic Love in all it's complexities...

What could be said about love that hasn't already been said? What is love? And were you fully aware the different forms of love? I was reading 'The Art of Loving' by the psychologist and social philosopher, Erich Fromm, and considering I have never gone to college and taken up these courses, I came to realize the viability and rationale behind this man's words.

One topic in his book, published originally in 1956, is the subject of Erotic love. Now although psychology covers the logic and rationale behind human nature, and the human mind, it is safe to say that Eroticism is intrinsic in developing intimacy with others, and therefore can be analyzed.

'After the stranger has become an intimately known person there are no more barriers to be overcome, there is no more sudden closeness to be achieved.'

This statement can easily explain the hesitation in committing, the duality; the Ego that both; man and woman have fashioned in their union. This could also explain the reason why so many people confuse true and unselfish love with 'infatuation' or better yet 'The honeymoon stage'.

Erich Fromm goes on to say:

But sexual desire can be stimulated by the anxiety of aloneness, by the wish to conquer or be conquered, by vanity, by the wish to hurt or even to destroy, as much as it can be stimulated by any strong emotion, of which love is only one. Because sexual desire is in the minds of most people coupled with the idea of love, they are easily mislead to conclude that they LOVE EACH OTHER when they want each other PHYSICALLY.

"But I thought he liked me?" Um. Yea. He liked your BODY. You were a venus to his flytrap.

a vase to his flowers, a bun to his hot dog! I hear this all the time, women or men who confuse physical attraction with love; me included. I spent most of my teenage years trying to figure out why boys never called me back after I had rejected their seductive (not!) notion to "unite" and have sex. I'm grateful I never took any of it to heart! I guess a part of me knew that this concept of "love" wasn't love at all, it was just simply put: human nature.

'Sexual attraction creates, for the moment, the illusion of union, yet without love this "union"

leaves strangers as far apart as they were before -sometimes it makes them ashamed of each

other, or even makes them hate each other, because when the illusion has gone they feel their

estrangement even more markedly than before.'

'To love somebody is not just a strong feeling-it is a decision, it is a judgement, it is a promise.

If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever.

A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not

involve judgement and decision?' wrote Fromm.