One topic in his book, published originally in 1956, is the subject of Erotic love. Now although psychology covers the logic and rationale behind human nature, and the human mind, it is safe to say that Eroticism is intrinsic in developing intimacy with others, and therefore can be analyzed.
'After the stranger has become an intimately known person there are no more barriers to be overcome, there is no more sudden closeness to be achieved.'
This statement can easily explain the hesitation in committing, the duality; the Ego that both; man and woman have fashioned in their union. This could also explain the reason why so many people confuse true and unselfish love with 'infatuation' or better yet 'The honeymoon stage'.
Erich Fromm goes on to say:
But sexual desire can be stimulated by the anxiety of aloneness, by the wish to conquer or be conquered, by vanity, by the wish to hurt or even to destroy, as much as it can be stimulated by any strong emotion, of which love is only one. Because sexual desire is in the minds of most people coupled with the idea of love, they are easily mislead to conclude that they LOVE EACH OTHER when they want each other PHYSICALLY.
"But I thought he liked me?" Um. Yea. He liked your BODY. You were a venus to his flytrap.
a vase to his flowers, a bun to his hot dog! I hear this all the time, women or men who confuse physical attraction with love; me included. I spent most of my teenage years trying to figure out why boys never called me back after I had rejected their seductive (not!) notion to "unite" and have sex. I'm grateful I never took any of it to heart! I guess a part of me knew that this concept of "love" wasn't love at all, it was just simply put: human nature.
'Sexual attraction creates, for the moment, the illusion of union, yet without love this "union"
leaves strangers as far apart as they were before -sometimes it makes them ashamed of each
other, or even makes them hate each other, because when the illusion has gone they feel their
estrangement even more markedly than before.'
'To love somebody is not just a strong feeling-it is a decision, it is a judgement, it is a promise.
If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever.
A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not
involve judgement and decision?' wrote Fromm.
